A Preposterous yet Informative Q & A

File:French ship under atack by barbary pirates.jpg

 

It seems like everyone across the US is experiencing the blusteries. Today I feel like I should be tethered to the helm of a pirate ship weathering the high seas in my best pair of Wellingtons.

As it is, I’m in the country office hoping the building holds together. With every gust of wind something rattles, walls crack and I dive under the desk should a piece of the ceiling fall in. Since I’m still trying to finagle a posting schedule (due to the high volume of my extracurricular adventures obv) I thought a Q & A was in order for today. So with no further ado:

From Karl in Az*

Question 1: How do I know my WIP (work in progress) will be published? Liked? Read by millions? I don’t want to put in all this work for nothing.

I used to consider myself a hard editor. I enjoyed nothing more than to put on my green fedora and pull out my red pen to mark up someone’s brain child. I thought I knew it all. I had read enough and been in the trenches long enough to know what was “good” and what wasn’t.

Then Fifty Shades of Grey came out. And became bigger. And bigger.

I read the first few paragraphs, took off my green fedora and dived off of the Irish cliffs (I was in Ireland at the time, for the Chudley Cannons match) and swam home to the US. It took me a year, the last thirty days of which I was drug through the water by a fishing boat as my strength had all but left me. During that time I realized that no matter how much you think you know, you can’t predict success. Not in this game. Not as a beginner.

Just ask any of those publishing houses who turned down JK Rowling.

If you’re looking for a sure-fire job to guarantee success, applause and prestige then writing is not the field for you. Otherwise, write what you like. Chances are, if it’s written well, others will like it too.

From Cindy in Mi

Question #2: I cook a lot but every time I make anything with onions my eyes tear up so badly I end up chopping off fingers or worse, burning my gourmet meal. My husband is getting tired of ER bills and Ramon for dinner. Can you help me?

Dear Cindy,

I, too, cook most nights and while I’ve never lost any extremities, onion blindness has blocked out many important Sherlock Holmes moments I can’t get back now that Amazon has taken the show off of their prime access. Too late I have found out that sticking an un-lit (that part must be added for certain readers of this blog of questionable intelligence. I by no means mean you, dear reader. I know YOUR intelligence is of the highest caliber) match between your teeth miraculously wards off onion vapors. Try it. It works.

Tune in next week for more Q & A’s with your resident writer in the trenches. Until then, please feel free to contribute your own burning writerl-y, kitchen-y or literature-y or any-y questions for me to answer.  I’d love to hear from you.

 

*all names and places have been altered to protect fragile writer/cooking egos.

**photo source: wikicommons. But if you look closely you can almost see me in the birds nest protecting my hide from cannon fire.

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